Separation can be tough.....
A number of years ago, I was going through my own difficult separation. My good friend was in a similar situation and he and I would discuss our respective circumstances in depth, always ending at the observation – there is a lack of support for people in our situation.
Separation is very common. I have a theory. Because it is so common, there is often an expectation – on ourselves and from others – that we should square our shoulders, re-adjust ourselves, sort child and financial matters rationally, and smoothly move on with the next part of our lives. The reality is usually very different.
Sadness, rage, relief, overwhelm, confusion, frustration, guilt, stress, anxiety, fear, embarrassment, shame, disbelief ….. these are just some of the words parents have used to describe to me their emotions when dealing with separation. And these emotions don’t hit one at a time, in a nice, orderly fashion – but rather simultaneously or unexpectedly.
So this is certainly not the best time to have rational, level-headed discussion with your ex-partner (who has now become your lifelong co-parent) on how to manage your children’s new living arrangements, or discuss financial commitments, things that could have long-term impacts on your life and that of your children, right? Except, that is exactly what you now have to do.
This is where I come in.
Based in Auckland, I am an experienced counsellor and an AMINZ accredited Family Dispute Resolution mediator, working both in a private capacity and contracting to Fairway Resolution Ltd. I also facilitate the Ministry of Justice’s Parenting Through Separation programme for Barnardos and Plunket.
Along with my continuing counselling work, my focus is on helping parents navigate their way as effectively as possible through the separation process, minimising their children’s exposure to conflict.
Everyone’s experience is different, with different challenges. I have worked with many parents at different stages of the separation process. With my experience as a mediator, counsellor and coach I can provide support that best fits your specific set of circumstances.